What promise is anger keeping?
A recent conversation left me sitting with a question.
Not because the circumstances were unusual, but because they felt familiar.
I think most of us know what it feels like to be treated unfairly.
To be misunderstood.
To be dismissed.
To watch someone behave in a way that is completely unacceptable, only to carry on as though nothing happened.
There are moments when anger feels completely justified.
And maybe it is.
I’ve been wondering if maybe we’re asking the wrong question.
We often ask whether we have a right to be angry.
Instead, I'm becoming more curious about what anger is asking of us.
Sometimes the answer is action.
Anger gives us the courage to speak up.
To set a boundary.
To leave a situation that no longer feels safe.
To protect ourselves or someone we love.
Action matters.
But sometimes there is no action left.
Sometimes we've already spoken.
Already left.
Already made the complaint.
Already set the boundary.
Already done everything within our control.
What's left isn't action.
It's reality.
And reality doesn't always feel fair.
This is where many of us quietly get stuck.
The mind returns to what happened.
It replays conversations.
Imagines different outcomes.
Keeps a quiet tally of consequences that never came.
It waits for the past to somehow become different than it is.
I've lived there myself.
It wasn't that long ago that I carried resentment toward my work.
I felt underappreciated, taken for granted, and discounted.
Even when my circumstances eventually changed, I noticed something surprising.
For a while, the anger stayed.
Over time, I began to realize something important.
My anger wasn't changing my workplace.
It was changing my experience of it.
That realization didn't excuse what had happened.
It simply invited a different question.
What promise is my anger keeping?
Is it promising that I won't forget?
That I'll never let someone treat me that way again?
That what happened mattered?
Or perhaps...
That I won't abandon myself?
What I do know is that this question feels different from being asked to simply "let it go."
It invites understanding before change.
Curiosity before judgment.
Maybe the promise is worth keeping.
It's only the strategy that needs to change.
I'm not sure I know the answer.
I'm simply becoming curious about the difference between carrying anger because it still serves me....
...and carrying it because I haven't stopped to ask what promise it is keeping.
If this question stays with you today, don't rush to answer it.
Just notice what comes up.
Sometimes the most meaningful insights arrive quietly, long after we've stopped trying to find them.
If you're finding yourself carrying questions like this, and you'd like someone to explore them with, I'd be honoured to walk alongside you.
And if you just want to share some thoughts, come join me over on Instagram.