It's been a while since I last posted, and some of you have reached out to ask why. Thank you for that!

The simple answer is that I've been procrastinating. My mind responds, "I've been too busy." And let's be real, everyone's mind says that. And you know what? It's true. I can justify my absence from posting for months. I've had a lot going on, and I could share a long list of all the things, and you'd probably nod along, but this answer just perpetuates the issue.

So, let's explore.  Every month, staring at my day timer, I see the same task: "Write & post a blog." Since March, that little check box beside it has been glaringly empty. I've carried this task from one month to the next, feeling the sting of shame and self-criticism. The "What the hell, why can't I just get this done?" The "What's wrong with me?" And then the justifications: "It's hard, I don't know what to write about, this should be easier, no one will miss it, and who do I think I am to even do this?" That last one is the kicker. It's a familiar, nagging thought that pops up often and one I've wrestled with for over 50 years and nearly every time I challenge myself with something new.

When I look at these thoughts and how they make me feel, it's no wonder I haven't been getting this done! I've doubted myself and postponed taking action. But then I asked myself why I wanted to share these blogs. And the answers come flowing in. "I want to do it because I love the creativity in writing. I want to have a blog because putting my thoughts on screen helps clarify what's important to me and moves me closer to my goals. I want to do this because my writing can help someone who needs a fresh perspective." That's why I want to do this and I like these reasons because they feel good.

So, why do I procrastinate? I dig deeper, asking myself what's really holding me back. Has it indeed been a lack of time? Recognizing the subjectivity of my go-to "time scarcity" excuse, I see it's a convenient lie. My lack of time is due to my choices and indulging in low-value actions and tasks. My resistance to taking action likely stems from a fear of failure and a hefty dose of perfectionism. How is this helpful? It's not. It's a habitual excuse on repeat, keeping me stuck. No more, I declare, but I know I've said this many times, and nothing has changed.  I know that there must be more.

Persisting through the discomfort, I tune into my body and find the answer. I feel the unmistakable tightness and restriction in my belly, the sensation of holding my breath. As I tap into my inner dialogue, I uncover a harsh voice saying, "You're not a good writer, you're terrible with grammar, and you'll never get this right. You have nothing important to say so why bother!" Do you hear the self-judgment? I thought I was holding back due to potential criticism from others, but investigating this now, I realize its me. I am criticizing myself!

Wow, talk about a "no-win" situation, and at this moment, just like Dorothy pulling back the curtain in Oz, I see the problem for what it is; a pesky thought error due to programmed beliefs that have gone unchecked!  We can make any statement true by noticing the realities in our environment that align with it. No matter what we think, the proof is always there, reinforcing whatever we choose, and this is the best news.   

Procrastination is a symptom of unmanaged thinking, and when it goes on too long, the impacts become easy to see. To be aware is to recognize that we find our truth based on the lens through which we see the world. This perspective is different for everyone and comes down to our programmed beliefs. With awareness comes the opportunity to make new choices about what we think.  So there you have it; the best-kept secret about being human is that we get to decide what we believe. Once we see the truth about our truth, the shift becomes inevitable, and our world aligns.

So, here it is, my long-overdue post. I hope you found it interesting and maybe even helpful. Thanks for asking and for reading. I appreciate that you are here!  

Now, it's your turn. Take some time to ponder what you are procrastinating on and why.  

​If you have comments or want to share, email me at marie@mariemcinnescoaching.com 
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